This is the relationship between parents and children
The popular idea is that parents should treat their children like friends. I hope the child will talk to his parents about everything. There is no need for children to respect their parents. This is the trend of the new trend. The relationship between parents and children of the previous generation was serious and respectful, and they were definitely not friends of their children. They will never talk to their parents. They will only respect their parents and will stay away from them. Therefore, modern education advocates a closer relationship between parents and children. Don’t respect your parents so much for your children. The previous generation was respect, and the current generation is equal friendship. Each has its own strengths and weaknesses.
The previous generation was extremely respectful, and the current generation is friends. I believe that the relationship between parents and children should be in the middle of these two extremes.
I believe most people know that there are many disadvantages to parents who demand too much respect from their children. In this article, I would like to remind everyone: Children respect their parents, in addition to the benefits of parents, is there any benefit to children?
When children respect their parents, they will trust their parents’ knowledge, insights, and experience. And children will trust their parents’ guidance.
A few years ago, I had a patient whom I called Huang Xian, asked me when he took his nine-year-old son Yaxiong on a trip to Zhangjiajie, China. When they were about to step on the glass bridge, Yaxiong was unwilling to step on the glass bridge. The two parents stood in front of the bridge and kept explaining to Yaxiong. How safe this bridge is. They stood by the bridge, watching adults and children walk across the long bridge easily, and no one left the pit. He also saw a pair of parents with a child about his age, and the child was a little hesitant and didn’t want to walk across the glass bridge, but when the child’s parents said: Take our hands and let’s go together. The child held his parents’ hands tightly and stepped onto the glass bridge. But Mr. Huang and Mrs. Huang spent half an hour explaining and explaining there. But Yaxiong is still unwilling to step on the glass bridge. The three of them had to walk back. Mr. Huang asked me: Why is my child afraid of crossing the bridge and not listening to us, but the other child is also afraid of crossing the bridge, but he listens to his parents. Why?
I replied: I don’t know. I don’t know how their two parents have a different relationship with those two children? But I know a little about Mr. Huang, and the relationship between Mrs. Huang and his children is very like a friend. He often let the child understand things, and then let the child make the decision. He was particularly reluctant to let his children listen to them, saying: He wants to train their children to have the ability to think independently. He said he wanted his children not to blindly obey others. Everything must be judged by one’s own understanding ability. Therefore, he rarely uses the dignity of his parents to ask his children to obey his guidance or lessons.
Mr. Huang asked me: Why did he spend half an hour explaining from various angles this time, and let Yaxiong stand by the bridge and observe for half an hour without changing Yaxiong’s decision? I didn’t know how to answer him for a moment. I, Mr. Huang, how is Yaxiong usually at home? He said that Yaxiong would not listen to them, he had to explain to Yaxiong that he or his wife would understand, he would accept it, and he would do what they wanted him to do. He said that although it takes more time, it can cultivate Yaxiong’s independent thinking ability, and he believes that although it takes time to explain Yaxiong, it is worth it. But they have never encountered the kind of trouble like crossing the glass bridge in Zhangjiajie.
I’m thinking: Does their education method have anything to do with Yaxiong’s unwillingness to cross this glass bridge?
Yaxiong may be a little afraid of heights. As soon as he saw the abyss under his feet, he didn’t want to move. Although he knew it was hard glass. Many people have no problem walking through it, but this visual impression of fear cannot be overcome by understanding. Mr. Huang asked me again: How can he overcome this fear? I thought for a long time and couldn’t come up with a way. This is indeed a very difficult problem, especially since the child has developed a habit: he is unwilling to do it unless he understands.
This kind of child, he is unwilling to do something he doesn’t understand, this is a very big problem. He couldn’t understand: how could he put his feet on a stone slope that was not real, and he couldn’t understand that his feet were on the glass, and the glass would not break. It’s impossible. He can’t figure it out, so he won’t put his foot on the glass. The little one has a basic principle: “I won’t do something that I can’t figure out”. This principle has been firmly installed in the depths of his head by his parents. His parents succeeded.
Why do I think this is a difficult thing to solve? Because the best way to overcome fear is to face it and do something that he fears. That is, although he couldn’t figure it out, if he would listen to his parents and put his feet on the glass slope, then he really felt that the glass plate could bear his weight, that the glass plate did not break, and that he did not fall into the abyss. The way to overcome this fear is to put your feet on the glass plate. He just needs to put his feet on this glass plate once, twice, three times, or four times. With each step, his fear decreased. So the most important thing is to put your first foot on the glass plate. But this child is unwilling to do something he can’t figure out. What he lacks is confidence in his parents. This is what his parents specially cultivated: don’t believe anyone’s words, you must judge for yourself. Therefore, he decides everything by his own judgment, not by his parents. He has no confidence in his parents.
In fact, not everything in our life can be solved with judgment. When children encounter difficulties in figuring, they have to modify their thinking opinions: for example, their opinion is: “Glass is easy to break, it is absolutely impossible to take my weight without breaking”. Although the child saw many people walking across the glass bridge, the glass did not break. But the fact that he saw it still could not dispel his opinion: glass is easy to break. It can’t hold my weight. His fear is ” I”. Not them. He feared that when his feet stepped on the glass slope, the glass would break, and “I” would fall into the abyss. How to break that fear?
He wants to modify his opinion, not all glass panels cannot bear weight. At this critical moment, he must have an adventurous spirit and an attitude of experimentation. The attitude of the experiment is: “Try to see if this glass plate will break, try to step on my foot on the glass bridge, put the weight of my whole body on that foot, and step on it.” But that child didn’t have the courage to do so. At that dangerous juncture, find the spirit of adventure from there; What about the attitude of the experiment and the courage of the experiment?
The other family I just mentioned, a child of about the same age as him, was also a little afraid and a little hesitant. But when his parents said, “Hold our hands, let’s go together.” The child stretched out his hands, held his parents’ hands tightly, and stepped onto the glass bridge. Where is the difference between Yaxiong and that child? How to help you overcome his fear?