The tendency of Cloning your partner in a long-term coupling relationship
Two strangers become a couple, partly due to their similarity, and partly due to their differences. Similarity and differences play a role when strangers turn into a couple. opposite electro-charges pull each other together.
In the beginning of a romantic relationship. opposite attracted, that was how the couple are attracted to each other.
Over time, the difference between the couple is the force that pulls them apart.
When the couple share space, furniture, and their children, there is a tendency that each one in the couple wants the other to do things in the same manner as himself or herself. In his/her perspective, they just want the other to do the right things or do it in the proper manner.
However, due to differences in family background, viewpoints, each of them has different ideas as to what is the “right way” and the “proper manner.”
The conflict may surface when one of them or both tries to teach the other to do things the “right way” according to their perspectives.
There is a tendency within the coupling that each of them tries to convert the other to their viewpoints, life philosophy etc.: think like I think, do as I do, and like what I like. Be like me. But there is another spontaneous process within the coupling relationship, that is through living together, communicating with each other, they admire and adorn and learn from each other. Through this mutual assimilation process, they synchronize with each other’s diurnal cycle, draw closer to the other’s viewpoints, life philosophy and life missions. The stability of the relationship depends on the dynamic of these two forces/processes. The person who is lacking sense of boundary, self-restrain, or having obsessive compulsive traits might push their partners too fast for the other to assimilate, or integrate. That is when one in the coupling relationship finds that other refuses to follow his/her teaching—simply doing the “right things”. E.g “can you just do the right thing?” When that happens, a conflict is created.
Whether the conflict would destabilize the relationship depends on the tolerance and adaptability in the relationship. The dominant verse submission, and the power differential between the couple also play a big part in their relationship. E.g In a couple whereas the power differential is great, dominant and submission is established, the tolerance and adaptability within that relationship could stabilize this otherwise one-sided cloning relationship.
However, this cloning relationship could be self-destructive.
The result of cloning is to create another person who is the copy of oneself.
How exciting the coupling relationship could be, if your partner is exactly as your own self?
There is an old saying that: be careful of what you wish!
The desire to clone your partner appears to be exciting, the process also creates exciting drama, but when the cloning is completed, the drama is over, the relationship will disintegrate. It is like two parallel lines, with no possibility of intertwining again. You are living with your own shadow!
I hope the little paragraph above will give us some motivation to exercise self-restrain when you what your spouse to “just do the right thing, do it the right way.”