There are people who are feeling happy more often than the average person. In this article, I just refer to them as happy people. This article analyzes their personality traits that are related to their feeling of happiness. I will analyze their personality traits in terms of thought, feeling and behavior. What is their thoughts pattern, what are their behavioral habits and how are his other feelings. Thought, behavior, and feeling are the three poles of our mental health. Each of these poles influence the others. Feeling and emotion affect behavior, and behavior and thought affect our feeling. If we want to know the secret of feeling happy, we need to know their thought pattern and their behavior habit, and how they deal with other moods. If we have similar thought patterns, behavior habits, and emotion pattern, we might also feeling happier than the average people too.
The writing below reviews the secret of happy people thought pattern: what is his thoughts in various circumstances, what is the goal of his thoughts, what is the pre-disposition of his thoughts: attitudes, his believes and values. Then, what is his behavior under various circumstances, what are their behavioral patterns? Then how does he react to other emotions: sadness? Angry? Etc.
1.Happy people are those who are optimistic, thankful, and gracious.
They are the people who describe the glass as half full rather than the glass as half empty. They are the ones who feel lucky even if they are the victim of a car accident. They are the people who say: I am glad it is not worse. I am glad that I am still alive. Perhaps, underneath these optimistic, thankful and graciousness, there is a belief that I am the blessed one, I always have better luck than others.
2.Happy people don’t need a long prerequisite for being happy.
They don’t need to become a millionaire first before they can be happy., don’t need wait to get married, don’t need wait until they obtain a certain professional status/degree or title, or attain certain level of success, don’t need to wait until they acquire a new house, or a new car or other possession. The shorter the list of prerequisites, the more likely they are the happier people. They place “being happy” at a higher if not the highest priority over the other things they desire. They are willing to let go of other desired objects or goals in order to attain being happy. They would not allow the effort of pursuing other goals to interfere with their pursue of happiness. On the other hand, the over achiever set up a lot of pre-requisite or hurdle for themselves. They determined that they would not allow themselves to be happy unless they passed certain pre-requisite or criteria or hurdle. The over-achievers fear that they would settle down too easily and become under-achievers. So, he determined that he would not allow himself to enjoy the feeling of happiness until his goals are achieved first. For fear that once he is happy or satisfied with his current situation, he will stop striving. What goal is the over-achiever? Of course, it is not the feeling of happiness. It is the achievement.
3.Happy people are those who have resolved or somewhat resolved the ultimate dilemma of life and death, failure and loss.
Death, failures, losses, and pain are the reality of living. These realities are the source of our fear and worry. Fear and worry help us to keep ourselves from repeating the same behavior cause us the pain, the losses and the failures and even help us delay our ultimate death. Fear and worry have their function in our lives. But they also are the sources of unhappy feeling. Happy people have a way to relate to the thought of death, the ultimate inevitable reality. They find the balance of taking risks and enjoying the current state of living.
4.Happy people don’t have self-defeating belief.
With the sense of self efficacy, they won’t settle in beliefs such as: I am a failure, I am unworthy. I am a burden. Happy and unhappy people all pass through similar situations in life, they both experience successes and failures. When unhappy people meet failures, they might say to themselves: “See, I know I am a failure, I am unworthy, I am a burden. Here I am. I was right all along.” These negative beliefs about themselves help them to be stuck in those spots much longer. They might feel this is my spot in life. It is my home. I am at the bottom, I can’t fall any further, I am safe here. They might feel happy briefly because they have fulfilled the long feared self-fulfilling prophecy. Although they are unhappy, they feel safe. It is because they feel that finally their fearful journey has come to an end. They don’t have to be fearful anymore.
Happy people on the other hand, don’t have these negative beliefs, when they meet failures, they don’t settle down and say, “this is my spot, I feel like I am at home now”. They see failures are the transitional moments toward success. They will move forward, move away from these aversive situations. Unhappy people settle at the unhappy situation and say: “This is my spot, this is my home, it is my destiny to stay here because I am unworthy, I am a failure. I am broken, I am damaged, etc. It is this core belief of themselves that draws them to unhappiness. The difference between happy people and unhappy people are their core beliefs in themselves.
5.Happy people know what to wish
Happy people don’t desire things that is out of their reaches. Happy people put being happy as their first priority, therefore they will not desire things that do not add to his happiness, or the pursue of that goal would reduce his happiness. Somehow, happy people know what thing he should set his eyes on, what he should set his heart on, where he should place his desires. He knows what to dream, and what not to dream. Happy people have a mind which is so mystical, it does all its calculations: worth the effort or not, add to his happiness or not, how likely it will success etc., without allowing this calculation even entering his conscious mind’s awareness. Happy people’s unconscious mind gently guides his eyes to the object he could desire, his heart could set on, and guide his eyes away from the objects which would lead him to unhappiness. Happy people’s unconscious mind could be so powerful that it would lead the person to dislike the objects which lead to his perils. Do you remember the parable of “sour grapes”. It is a self-protection mechanism. Happy people have that perfectly installed. Happy people’s unconscious mind could be so efficient that they would not let the person have a thread of desire for things that is not good for them. He would not lament that I wish I could have that. He would not even wish the thing that is not right for him. He is blinded to the beauty of his neighbor’s wife, or she is blind to the wealth of her neighbor’s husband. This psychological blindness is a blessing. There is a saying that “love is blind”. Its usual meaning is that if we love someone, we are blind to their blemish. I would like to tweet it in a different way: if you love your wife or husband very much, you would be blind to the beauty of your neighbor’s wife or the wealth of your neighbor’s husband. This is the doing of his/her blessed unconscious mind! Blessed is those who has a pure heart.
6.Happy people enjoy the exertion:
Putting forth the energy: The work itself, rather than the outcome of his work, the reward, the approval. If he is a carpenter, he enjoys the work of carpentry. If he is a detective, he enjoys the work of detective. The Happy people are more likely the ones who enjoy the journey as much as getting to the destination. Most of the pleasure in their lives come from intrinsic reinforcement: the joy of doing. Most of the time in our life is spent in the journey.
7.Happy people are satisfied with their lives, their current condition and status most of the time.
For example, even in the last week of his resignation, he would still work at his job with a certain level of content. Even in the last week before his separation from his wife, he will live with certain levels of content with his wife. Unhappy people would feel I can’t spend one more minute in this condition. Happy people would determine that I will find peace within myself in whatever condition I find myself in. They are determined to feel good despite the external circumstances.
8.Happy people are self-reliant people.
They feel that they are responsible for fulfilling their needs, they are responsible for their moods. They are responsible for the circumstances they find themselves in. They did not look for rescue, look for fairness, justice for themselves, or for someone to blame, nor approval, cheers, admiration either. They have confidence in their choice, in their self-worth, and they know their abilities and the limitations of their abilities. They don’t need much praise or approval from others. They are sure of their self-worth; they seldom need to be validated. They don’t feed on others’ approvals. Of most important, they don’t wait for others to rescue them. They don’t wait for others to solve the conflict. They initiate actions to resolve conflict and move forward. If they have conflict with their spouse or coworker, they are the ones who initiate peace making actions. If they found themselves in a hole, they dug themselves out. They don’t waste their time in states of unhappiness. They see themselves as helpers rather than the ones who seek help. Their happiness does not depend on others’ help, and outside circumstances.
9.Happy people do not pursue happiness: instead, they pursue their purposes in life.
Happy people know the fact that a butterfly is more likely land on a rested hand than a moving hand. Happy people are not hedonists, they don’t pursue happiness. They know happiness can only come as a by-produce of a purposeful life. They set the purpose in life as their first priority. Most of their effort and endeavors are pointing toward that purpose. They plan their endeavors according to their purposes. Purposes organize their endeavors. Their energy is convergent rather than divergent. Later in their lives, they found that their earlier efforts are integrating into his purpose rather than pulling him apart.
10.Happy people take charge of the course of their lives.
They are the navigators. They set their own course of their journey of life. Praying and mediation is to set the course of life. Unhappy people do not plan the course of their lives, although they plan the details of their travel itinerary. But for the big things, they let things happen to them, and are surprised unhappily. They set goals beyond their ability, beyond their resources and do not know the difference between their whims from their deep desire and needs, they devote their energy into the details of the itinerary of a vacation trip but ignore the course of their life. They have no time to transcend their daily lives to get above their daily busy business and see what the terrace is ahead of them. Happy people are those who occasionally, walk out of the enclosed dancing hall, away from the crowd, the band, the current prevailing subculture, transcend the trends, and then, stare at the stars into the quiet dark sky. The fact is not many people do that. There are crowds in dance halls, in bars, dancing and watching football, but only a few are sitting outside and staring into the dark sky. Yes, staring in the dark sky is not a popular pastime. It just coincides with the fact that happy people are not the majority. They are the minority among us. They look afar, ahead, above, into the whole picture, the context. They reflect upon their life when staring into the stars or meditate or pray.
11.Happy people are willing to pay the price for their mistakes
Happy people believe they are the lucky people, blessed people, they believe in their self-worth. They never doubt their worth. It is because of their certainty of their self-worth; they believe that they are entitled to make mistakes just like other people do. When they make a mistake, they take the responsibilities, pay the price and learn from the mistake. The result is: reduce the probability of repeating the same mistake again. If a person only makes the same mistake once or twice in a lifetime, would he or her live much happier? Of course, he will. Many of unhappiness are derived from our repeating our mistake again and again. Let me explain why people make same mistake again and again. One of the major factors is not admitting the fact that we are the ones who makes the mistake. When things go wrong, a lot of people look for someone to blame. He or she put himself or herself in the No-fault status: not me, it is him, her, or them, or the government, the company, and finally, if he need to contribute anything to himself, he contributing it to his bad luck. Therefore, the person does not find a way to correct the error, change his course of action. Therefore, the person keeps making the same mistake. On the other hand, Happy people admit making the mistake, take the responsibilities, pay the price of making a mistake. In doing so, in behavioral modification term, he gets his punishment. The science of behavioral modification teaches us that the behavior which was punished will reduce the probability of its future occurrence. Therefore, the person will be less likely to make the same mistake. Happy people are responsible people, willing to admit mistakes. In doing so, it not only reduces the probability of making the same mistake again, but they are also more likely be welcome by his co-worker, friend, spouse and family members. It is because they don’t blame them for his mistakes. It is because they believe that by acknowledging that they have made a mistake, their self-worth, self-esteem and self-value would not be shattered. They believe that they are still of great value even if they are not so perfect that they have made those mistakes. They have a firm belief that they are valuable, capable, and competent. When they are disappointed with themselves, e.g. find themselves less capable as they previously believed, they would either improve their skills, or adjust their perception, or images of themselves and accept them. Their new realization of their limitations, areas of incompetence would not shatter their self-esteem either. They still believe that they are of great value. They are worthy of living happily. They don’t punish themselves by living unhappily. So the logic look like this:
High self worth——-easier to admit making mistake——pay the price of making mistake—(punished) reduce the probability of it future occurrence—–less likely making the same mistake in the future
——-welcome by his friends (don’t blame them)
loops——happier lives
Low self worth —-deny making mistake—-successful avoid the punishment—the probability of future occurrence remains the same.
——unwelcome by his friends(blame them) trigger a vicious cycle.
loop—less happier lives
12.Happy people do not regret the path they have chosen.
Is it because they believe they have chosen the best path, because they believe that they have angel to fore-tell their future or a wise conscious mind to give them good intuition, or they just don’t regret? It is hard to know. They regret it less frequently. They view their past in a positive way. They approve of their past actions. It is because they are content at his current state. They contribute all the goodness of the current state to the past routes he took, his parents, teacher friends, sibling, relatives he met. They are not only no big regret of the past, but thankful for those he met in his journey. It is also out of the same character that happy people don’t spend time on unpleasant activities: regret.
13.Happy people are happy longer when they attain their goal or obtain their desired object.
They cherish longer and more of their once desired objects or states. They work hard to purchase a new car, they work hard to find a job, they work hard to get a promotion, they work hard to climb to a peak, they work hard to select a mate, how long they satisfy with what they have? Happy people enjoy their accomplishment longer. Unhappy people enjoy their accomplishment shorter. Happy people will polish their new car to keep it look new, unhappy people tend not to polish their cars, and let it rust. Happy people would be willing to maintain what they have, even a relationship, so keep it fresh longer, unhappy people won’t, let it rust, or deteriorated. And back to the cycle, work hard and obtain another car or another relationship. They spend more time pursuing their object of choice than enjoy their hard earned object: etc, a new car, a new relationship. Happy people are those who enjoy the happy moment more often.
14.They believe that they have a happy life.
Our nature tendency does not follow scientific principles. Science principle is first you collect data, than base on data derive a conclusion. But human nature is forming an opinion first, than collecting data to sustain that opinion. So, happy people follow the same track. They believe they have a happy life first, then collect memories to sustain that opinion. They selectively keep the happy memories alive, ignore the unpleasant memories, and let them fade away. They relive the happy moments again and again. They actively collect the good memories to support their beliefs that they have been living good lives. The unhappy people do just the opposite. They believe that they have tough lives. So, they collect painful memories to sustain their beliefs. And talk about their trauma, relive their trauma again and again. Unfortunately, the painful memory stick to their core, they cannot shake it off.
15.Happy people fully embraced everything that come with living.
All emotions, fully absorbed into it, bathe in it and experience it fully. If it comes with living, they embrace it. Sadness and melancholy are part of our emotions. Happy people have a place for each of the emotions in their hearts, so they can fully experience these emotions when they come to them. If you or your love one is offended, he would be angry. If their love one move away, they grieve it fully. If they feel like to cry, they cry. . Self-expression is part of living the life fully. Experiencing all emotion is part of live life fully. Live today fully and let tomorrow you have a chance to live fully also. Don’t live today more than fully. Use up the resources that are allocated for today. But leave the resource allocated for tomorrow for tomorrow. Happy people do not enjoy hang over next morning. Happy people do not use morning after pill often. Happy people do not spend half of their tomorrow in hang over. Happy people live their lives fully every day, not one out of every two days. Happy life is like music. Not one tone, not one instrument, but a spectrum of tones of varied duration, transition and rephrase and harmony that make music beautiful. Happiness cannot be experienced nor exist independent from the spectrum of emotions including sadness and compassion. So, you expect to see the sad face from the happy people. Happy people, just contradict to public believe that they are the people always wearing a smiling mask, have no emotion other than being happy. Those are not truly happy people.
16.Happy people is happy with those who are around them.
Happy people love themselves and are proud of themselves. Their pride in themselves spread to their possessions and their relationships. They love themselves because they know that is all they have. They cherish their mates because they know that is all they have. Happy people often recommend their hairdressers, or barbers, their doctors, their therapists, their relators, their accountants, their favor restaurants to their friends. They believe what they have is the best. They have the attitude that whatever is mine is good. It is lucky to be happy people’s friend. They often recommend you to others. Happy people are satisfied with what they get more often than unhappy people. Is it really their barbers are better than others, or they are the easily satisfied customers? Or they are the ones who don’t settle with unsatisfying services, therefore whoever they settle with, they are satisfied. They only stay in a satisfied state. When they are unsatisfied, they act rather than stay in an unsatisfied state and complain about it. Happy people became the center of a happy community. He forms his supportive network. It furthered his chance to meet happy people. It set off a positive cycle.