My husband is a very nice guy when he does not drink.
Many men feel the same about their wives. But they know good times do not last. Soon, there will be another relapse. significant others and family members often wonder if there is anything they can do to prevent the relapse. One thing I want to remind you is that whatever you do or don’t do might not have sufficient effect to change his course of drinking. Ultimately, he is the one who decides whether he is going to drink or not.
Having said that, significant others and family members do have some influence on them. Here, I refer to them as patients. Significant others and family members are part of the patient’s environment. Other environments affect the patient: work environment, boss and colleagues, customers, relatives, friends, and neighbors. These are the environments surrounding the patient. Family is just one of them, but a very significant one. His boss’s praise or criticism affects his sense of economic security, but praise and criticism from family members cut to the core: his core beliefs of himself–his self-worth. negative self-worth is the driving force of chemical addiction. So, significant others and family members influence the patient’s drinking behavior.
So, what would the significant others doing or not doing would influence the patient’s future relapse?
My first advice is to fight the temptation that he has become a nicer guy.
Do not allow him or her to be too nice a guy or a woman. When he is too nice to his boss or colleagues, advise him to stop doing that. If he is too nice to his family of origin, ask whether his behavior is sustainable. If he is too nice to his neighbor, ask him to stop doing that. Finally, if he is too nice to you, then what?
Refuse to accept. For example, if he asks you, “Do you want me to make you a cup of coffee.” if you feel it is a behavior that is “too nice”, then you should say: “No, “I will make it for myself; do you want one?” Take notes of his people-pleasing behavior, non-assertive behavior, excessive polite behavior, conceded behavior, harsh self-criticism, guilt, and regret. Pay attention to his self-beating behavior, and try to lighten his guilt and shame. If he offers you anything that springs from his self-criticizing attitude, reject that offer. Listen to him when he brags about himself; what is the grievance underneath that boasting? Hold back your negative comments; just listen to him like you have been listening while he is drunk. But this time, you see things from his standpoint of view, with a little more empathy. When he finds out that he has a buddy when he is sober, he doesn’t need to get drunk to find an audience. Many alcoholic personalities need to distinguish themselves from the average. This is a deeper issue. Remember, significant others, your priority is to delay a relapse or eliminate a relapse, not to change him to be a better person. Don’t expect your loved one comes back from a treatment center after 90 days, he had transformed into a saint. No, if he was a sinner when he got into a treatment center, he would still be a sinner after he was discharged from the treatment center. If his treatment is successful, the difference is that he does not need drinking to get permission to be a sinner. The goal is achieved. If ou want him to be a better partner, then it is a matter of marital counseling